Ignorance
by thisgirlcalledD
Summary: "Do you still love…him?" It's obvious to figure out who he's talking about, but Maya decides to feign ignorance. She's done with that chapter of her life; now she's ready to move on to the next one with the man she's currently under. High T for, well... you'll figure it out when you read it.
1. Chapter 1

"Do you still love him?"

Maya stops kissing the spot between his neck and shoulder to look up at him, bumping into his chin along the way.

"What?" She asks, pretending she didn't hear him the first time. She's worked too hard to relapse now.

He takes a deep breath, and then, "Do you still love…him?"

It's obvious to figure out who he's talking about, but Maya decides to feign ignorance. That chapter of her life is done, past, _history_, and now she's ready to start the next chapter with the man she's currently under. "Is this about Zig? Because if it is that was a one-time thing, you know that, and it was just to see if –"

"You know who this is about, Maya."

Doesn't she? But she pretends not to anyway, because if she pretends hard enough than maybe, just maybe, the pain will go away. "Miles, why are we talking when we could be doing _this?_"

She crashes her lips into his before he can intervene, using every trick in her book to get him to _just shut up_. After a particularly frisky nip of his bottom lip a sensual groan gets caught in his throat and Maya smiles against his lips; she has never been more grateful for his weakness against pleasure. He continues to let her do anything she wants with him, moaning and groaning and thinking maybe he's starting to rub off on her a _bit_ too much. He helps her take off his shirt and then she wiggles out of her panties while one of his hands is busy with his belt and the other is holding him up on the mattress. (Her hip accidently grazes his hard on, which erects a reaction from both of them, a promise of good things soon to come.) They're really about to do this. After months of denying feelings and playing hard to get, after half a year of on-and-off-again relationships, and after one year and twenty-three days of staying together, _they are really about to do this_. Fumbling a bit, he turns on the lamp on his bedside table, to which she mildly protests, but silence falls when he fishes a small packaged square out of a drawer.

They both lock eyes with each other, searching for any signs of rejection before they take this final, monumental step in their relationship. Finally Maya nods her head, the rosy blush of her cheeks highlighted by the lamplight. Miles smiles a bit, because only _she_ could manage to look this cute when they're about to do it.

"Hey, Miles?" Maya whispers, so quiet only someone this close to her would manage to hear.

He looks up after having positioned himself, a small quirk of his lips the only indicator of his playfulness. "Yes, Matlin, Maya Matlin?"

She scoffs, the tip of her lips stretching into its own smile. "Just turn off the light, dork."

He complies, and while doing so he hears a small gasp escape her petite lips.

"Oops. My bad."

"Tease." She hisses, the rest of the night drown out to them both as they connect with one another.

Once they're done, his arms give out, his full weight squashing her petite body as he falls.

"Sorry…" His low tenor rumbles against her throat and she giggles.

"No worries." She whispers tiredly, arms wrapping around him securely as she feels the tendrils of sleep start to pull her in. "I like us like this."

Before he has the chance to ask her if that's a double meaning she falls asleep, her soft (adorable) snores and steady breathing indicating him that he should do the same. But he can't, not after what just happened, so he settles for pulling up the covers around them and watching as her chest rises and falls peacefully. The rhythm is both soothing and hypnotic, and he soon finds himself drowsing off as well.

The radiance of the morning sun is just peeking past his bedroom curtains when he is awaken by her slight tremors. He moves his head to look up at her, his hair ticking her and causing her to fidget.

"S'op it…" she mumbles, and Miles has the awareness to chuckle softly. "…Cam."

Everything in his body freezes. He gets up, a little too fast, and feels dizzy. _She didn't just stay that, right?_ She couldn't have, not after what they just…

"Miles?"

He looks down to see Maya looking at him through her lashes, a confused from on her dainty features. "Miles, is something wrong?"

Automatically he answers, "Nothing's wrong."

She gives him a skeptical look. "Are you sure? You're up so early…"

"I'm sure." He says, trying to convince himself more than he's trying to convince her. "I think I just had a bad dream. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh…" she gives him one more sideways glance before seemingly giving up, apparently too tired to care. "Okay. If you say so." She gives him a kiss on the forehead, says that's what her mom used to do back when she was a kid and had nightmares, before snuggling next to him, giving him one last chaste kiss and closing her eyes.

He does the same, trying to follow her lead, but a tiny part of him knows, no matter how hard he tries to deny it.

_Screw you, Cam._

Yes, she still loves him.

* * *

Man, do I love triangles. Brownie points for you if you caught and/or chuckled at the pun I put in there. More brownie points if you leave a comment/review. *Wink, wink*


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone! After realizing yesterday's terrible mistake I decided that I needed to make it up to you guys. This is a companion piece/songfic inspired by the Jonas Brothers' song Critical. It chronicles all the plot's Cam's been involved in from Say It Ain't So (2) to Rusty Cage (2). I was literally reading Cam's page on .com as I wrote this for a summary of each episode, so I don't think I missed anything, however if you think I did please feel free to spot it out and prove me wrong. I do enjoy constructive criticism.

Disclaimer: I did re-watch episodes to write this fic and did take inspiration from scripted line's since I wanted this to be as close to cannon as possible, however if the dialogue does happen to sound similar/exactly the same to what's originally scripted the right to Degrassi and it's script is in no way affiliated with me. Oh, and the song as well.

P.S. I'd also like to say a special thank you to **msleahbeah3236** , who took the time to leave a review** and** PM me about uploading this fic to the wrong story. I already knew beforehand, but still, that was very nice of you and I appreciate it.

P.S.S I'll also be posting this as a stand alone songfic in the Campbell Saunders tag, so if you would just quickly visit/favorite/tell-your-friends-about it that's be fabulous. Here's the link: s/9642405/1/Anchor

Last and certainly not least, enjoy!

* * *

_There's a storm coming up and I gotta prepare myself_

_'Cause this feeling's getting stronger every day_

* * *

The first time he notices something isn't right is when he feels the tell-tale sign of tears prickling the back of his eyes. He excuses himself from class and hurries to the first bathroom he sees, and before he knows it he's crying – hyperventilating, too, and to make it even worse he's doing it in the girl's bathroom.

In the_ girl's bathroom_, for Christ's sake.

And if that wasn't mortifying enough, the girl who embarrassed him in front of his team yesterday is staring at him like he's some type of crazy of stalker.

"No, I'm – I'm lost, I swear."

"You mean like yesterday?" She says, eyebrows raised like she can't believe he's giving her this bull. "Know what? I'm gonna go tell Simpson that the hockey team is housing a perverted _stalker_."

"No! No, please, please, _please_ don't do that." She can't! If any of the guys on the team hear about this, they'll make his life a living hell. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday okay?" He pleads, because maybe if he explains the situation she'll see how miserable he is and forget this ever happened. "I was just trying to impress those guys, alright? I had to do it because they think I'm a huge loser."

"They're not wrong."

And just like that, he snaps. All the worries he's been holding in come rushing out of his mouth like a waterfall, and all too soon he's regretting it. What is he doing telling her his problems? Why the hell would she care? But he goes on anyway, because he's desperate for anyone to talk to and she's just the unfortunate victim. "How am I going to survive a whole season here? I have no friends to talk to, no family here with me; and my hockey team practically hates me! And I'm – I'm _crying_ in the girl's bathroom!"

"Hey – hey. _Relax._" The girl hushes, rushing to his side before he starts to cry again. "Those guys are probably just jealous of you. In two years you're gonna be in the NHL making millions and they're not. Try not to take it personally."

"But –"

"High school sucks, kid." She rubs his back as she says this, trying to be as calming and soothing as she can. "Want my advice? Spend it with people who don't."

He makes his way to leave then, a small smile on his face.

They didn't know it then, but Bianca just helped save his life.

* * *

_Something's creeping inside_

_Everything is about to change_

* * *

"Who you texting, Saunders?"

Cam only has the time to look up from his screen before Mike is snatching the phone out his hands –

"Hey, give it back!"

"Who's Maya Matlin?" He shoots Cam a questioning glance, but before Campbell has the chance to say anything Owen cuts in.

"Hey, my brother hangs out with her. They're friends or something."

"Oh yeah?" Mike says, stretching his arm away from Cam while he struggles to get his phone back and the Coach yells at them to _Quiet down back there! We still have twenty minutes!_ "Never heard of her; is she new or somethin'?"

"She's a freshman!" Cam grits out.

"She hangs out with that Tori girl…" Owen inputs.

"Wait, are you talking about that blond shrimp that was talking to you last night?" Luke suddenly pipes up, and Cam sends him a scathing glare that goes unnoticed.

"She's not a shrimp!"

"Yeah, sure dude," Luke rolls his eyes to emphasize his point. "Whatever you say."

"Wait," Mike says, suddenly dropping the phone into the empty space next to Cam. "I remember her now! I saw her pull down her jeans to show you her panties. How'd you manage _that_, Saunders?"

The whole bus erupts into a fit of laughter, one that only doubles in size when Luke yells out, "Dude, if you ever need help in that department, I know a few cheerleaders who'd show you way more than just their undies!"

* * *

_Gotta face the fact _

_That I can't walk away_

* * *

As the round of laughter continues, no one notices Cam brood in his seat. "Screw you guys."

* * *

_This is critical_

_I am feeling helpless_

_So hysterical, and this can't be healthy_

_I can't eat or sleep_

_When you're not with me_

_Baby, you're the air I breathe_

_This is critical, yeah_

_So stuck on you_

_Used to have everything figured out, but it's different now_

_When you came, you saw, you conquered my heart_

* * *

"Can I tell you a secret?"

He has no idea why he's telling Maya all of this. Seriously, that story about his brother? He hasn't thought about that in years. That memory was back when hockey was just a game to him.

Now it's just another thing he has to be good at.

Maybe it's because she's so easy to talk to; and more than that, there's just something about her – something so gentle and understanding. Whatever it is, Cam just adds it to the growing list of things he likes about her. "Tonight's the most fun I've had in a while."

Maya's stops giggling for a second to look at him expectedly. "Actually, I have a secret too…" When he nods for her to go ahead, she breaks out into an apologetic smile. "I don't really like hockey."

Cam looks at her then, wondering if this girl knows how special she really is.

"Me neither."

* * *

_It's your laugh and your smile_

_Wanna stay for a little while_

_I don't wanna go_

_I just want you in my arms_

* * *

The moment is perfect, so of course Cam has to ruin it by chickening out of their kiss.

He knows they should have kissed, too. Their faces were inches apart and Maya was already leaning in, eyes closing for the inevitable, only the inevitable never happened because he chickened out_ like a loser!_

Katie finds them moments after they step out of the photo booth, glaring at him and suggesting (very coldly) that they should leave now. The whole car ride home no one speaks, and to fill the silence Katie turns on the radio. It isn't until they're a block away from the home he's staying in that someone finally says something.

"Do I turn left or right?"

"Oh. Oh, that's alright." He says, already reaching for the door-handle so he can get out of there. "My house is just down the street. I'll walk."

"I'll walk you home."

Both sets of eyes, one pair brown and the other blue, turn to look at Maya as she's already stepping out of the vehicle.

"Maya, I don't –"

"Don't care, Katie. Cam, let's go."

Cam doesn't know what to think as he gets out of the car, seeing Katie's stink eye along the way. All he knows is that after being rejected in the photo booth like that, Maya must be pissed, and he should really listen to her before he screws things up even more. They pass a few houses before he points to a large town-house and mutters, "That's me."

They walk up the drive way together and all the while Cam's thinking of what he's going to say to her, and then they're in front of his door and she gives him a quick hug and says, "I had a good time." into his chest, and moves to pull away –

But he doesn't let her. No, he just hugs her tighter, so tight he thinks he's suffocating her, but he doesn't care just as long as he doesn't see her go.

"Um, Cam…"

"I like you."

They're both surprised by his confession, Cam more so of the two, but he keeps going with it anyway and soon finds himself talking straight from his heart. "I really like you, Maya. I wasn't kidding when I said this has been the best night I've ever had since I first got here. I'm sorry for what happened in the photo booth; I'm just romantically-retarded like that." She giggles at this. "I want to take things slow – as slow as possible – because I want this – us – whatever we have, to last. Okay?"

She's quiet for a few minutes, and a panic starts to seize his heart as he realizes that he's ruined everything. "I'm –"

"Okay." He looks down and all he sees is Maya's blinding smile, so brilliant and beautiful it makes time stop. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."

He doesn't remember giving her a reply, or saying good bye, or even seeing her leave. The last thing he remembers as he drifts off to sleep is her amazing smile and the thought that he's lucky to be alive.

* * *

_This is critical,_

_I am feeling helpless._

_So hysterical, and this can't be healthy._

_I can't eat or sleep_

_when you're not with me._

_Baby, you're the air I breathe._

_This is critical, yeah._

_So stuck on you._

* * *

_What the hell am I doing? What the hell was I thinking? _Cam repeats these thoughts in his head over and over again, trying to find whatever logical reason there is for skipping practice. Coach is bad enough, but the guys are the one's that'll really give it to him. Then Luke and Owen's voice comes back to him and he scowls. _Screw them._ He knows he's been out of the zone these least couple of games; he doesn't need them to remind him.

But still, should he really be doing this? There hasn't been a day in his life when he hasn't missed 5 minutes of practice, much less an entire hour of it. And after calling his Mom and telling her everything, the thought of betraying her like this doesn't sit well with him.

But then he opens the doors to Little Miss Steaks and every rational thought he has is thrown out the window.

"Room for one more?"

Not even ten minutes in the restaurant and he's already regretting his decision – he can't sing! – but not really, not after Maya flashes her that adorable smile of hers and goads him into sing-talking, and then actual singing, and then he's playing the air guitar and having a blast because _who cares_ if he looks stupid? He can do anything! And when he's with Maya and her friends, there's no pressure to be perfect, no need for him to be the golden boy. They expect nothing from him and he appreciates that more than they'll ever know.

What he _doesn't_ appreciate is the person who was recording his stupidity, because if it weren't for them he wouldn't have gotten caught. He wouldn't have had to go through an hour of punishment inflicted from his team; and yes, he knows he deserved it, but everyone needs a break some time and yesterday he needed one more than ever before.

He eventually gets over it of course, because he's been so down on himself lately that he's starting to think he's getting depressed. Of course, that's just crazy because –

Well, after his breakdown in the club room maybe _he'_s the crazy one.

Cam may be a lot of things, but he is _not_ stupid. He knows that being transfixed by that cut wasn't healthy. The shock of hurting himself was surprising, of course, but then surprise turned into wonder, and then – and then –

And then he was curious. If a little milk could get him out of practice, what would a slice to his hand do?

_No no no no no._

He could never! Could he? No, of course not! What kind of sicko did that to himself?

"Not Campbell Saunders." That was for damn sure.

…Or maybe he had spoken too soon, because as soon as he sees the press and Mike's knowing grin he starts to have a panic attack. The press? Was he fucking _crazy_? Mike knows about Cam's thing with the news – especially after the way he refused to do a simple interview with the school newspaper weeks before. So if he knows, then why go through all the trouble?

To get back me?

_Of course!_ That has to be it. Skating him till he almost passed out from exhaustion wasn't enough, so now, to get even, Mike invited the press. Cam remembers what Mike earlier and a chill runs down his spine.

"_Sometimes a rookie has to be taught a lesson before he actually gets it."_

Cam looks for the nearest thing he can hurt himself with and, grabbing his skates, gets ready to cut himself. The question is, where? Another cut on his hand will make Maya suspicious, and a cut on his leg would be useless. Maybe he needs to cut his neck? Yeah, maybe that's what he needs to do – that way he won't have to deal with his jerk-off teammates, he won't have deal with this aching homesickness he doesn't know he can snap out of, and he won't have to play hockey ever again because he'll be –

_Holy shit_ – is he even listening to himself?

He runs out of the club room before anyone can stop him, fighting off the press, fighting off his demons, fighting off the tears that threaten to fall as he runs back home.

_Why? Why can't I just be happy?_

The next day he has a anxiety attack after thinking about the two-hour practice the guys are currently in while he's at home watching TV.

He has his answer.

* * *

_Used to run and hide_

_Used to back out of love_

_But I can't escape this time_

_Oh no_

* * *

"This isn't what I meant when I said you needed a break!"

"This was an accident."

"_Swear?_"

"Of course I do!" It's the first time he's ever lied straight to her face, and hopefully he'll never have to do it again. "Geez, Maya. I'm not some loser who hurts himself on purpose!"

She calms down, if only for a second, and he takes that chance to get her used to the idea. Leading her into a seat, he says, "Besides, I can't exactly continue my winning streak with broken arm, right? But I can hang out with you guys more now. That's just as good, right?"

"That depends…" She mutters, looking at him straight in the eyes. "Will you be happy now?"

"I have no reason not be." _Not when I'm with you._

"But what happens when you're arm gets better and you go back to playing hockey?"

He's thought about that too, and if he's being honest he knows that he'll have to train twice as hard as everyone else if he wants to be as good as he is now when he starts back up again. _If_ he starts back up again.

But for once, he doesn't care about hockey. For once he's letting himself do what he wants to do.

"I'm happy, Maya. With you. Isn't that what matters?"

She looks at him with _those_ eyes again, and this time when she leans in for a kiss he doesn't chicken out. He'll never chicken out again.

When they pull away from each other Maya gives a relieved sigh. "I'm just so happy you're okay."

"I'm fine, Maya. I'm great." _As long as I'm with you._

* * *

_This is critical_

_I am feeling helpless_

_So hysterical, this can't be healthy_

_I can't eat or sleep_

_when you're not with me_

_You're the air I breathe_

_This is critical, yeah_

_Baby it's so critical, (critical)_

_it's so critical, yeah_

_I don't like it_

_It's so critical, (critical)_

_it's so critical, yeah_

_So stuck on you_

* * *

Phew! I worked on that the entire day. If you enjoyed, please review. If you didn't, please review. All reviews are welcomed and much appreciated! ;) ;)


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